I have been overweight for more than 15 years.
Needless to say, like probably most of you, I've had my share of struggle with my weight, going through eating disorders, excessive exercising, trying a new diet every monday, loosing 10 pounds and gaining 20 back..
Well ladies, without any self-confidence, life as a full-figured woman sure can be pretty tough sometimes.
But I also know now that it doesn't take you to lose weight to feel confident !
I am sure you all have days where you feel stunning and happy and ready to face any challenges, right ? And you were probably not slimmer that day than any other days. And I am sure your slimmer friends also feel down sometimes, this is just being human, being a woman.
Let's be honest, I do not feel confident or happy with my curves everyday. I do have days where I feel a little down and too self-aware, with a head filled of body-conscious thoughts. But I have a few tricks that helped me feel better during those days, and feel gorgeous on other days :)
I think I should start here, giving you all the tricks I've used to build a body confidence, and to show a sexy and self-loving image of myself at any time.
1. Smile, look happy and fake it ! You'll get there.
Smile all the time, your face should scream happy. Someone is looking your way ? If you start thinking about your bad hair or that maybe you were too bold with this crop top, those tight pants or this orange lipstick, stop right there ! Put on a big confident smile and look at them in the eyes. You will most probably get a smile back.
You have to train your mind, you have to teach him another way of thinking, to teach him how to unlearn insecurity.
You do not feel confident yet, but it's ok.
A good tip is also to channel your confident alter ego and imagine how she would handle the situation :)
2. Be 'Fat talk free'
Stop looking for flaws, yours or others. Focus on the positive and mostly on other things than weight or fat. Try to compliment others and yourself as often as possible, you will enter a more positive state of mind and in time you will stop putting yourself down. Your friends might make you feel self-conscious as well when they talk about fat or body hate. So, your friends start fat-talking ? Change the subject ! Or even better, establish your relationship with your friends as a fat talk free zone.
And stop judging ! Stop looking at bigger girls in the street, seeing their flaws and criticising them. Instead focus on how beautiful they are or could be with a little style make-over.
3. Throw away your ideas of "normal"
You have to stop considering celebrities and women in the magazines as being normal. Nobody looks like them in real life, not even them ! Most of the pictures you see are photoshopped, and even those which are not, the girls on them have glam squads to make their skin face and hair look at their best, they have life coaches, trainers, nutritionists and someone that grocery shops and cooks for them..
Also I realised that spending more time browsing bigger girls on the internet, like plus models or plus size art, slowly changes your beauty standards, and you will start looking at the bigger girls as more attractive that skinnier ones. True !
Spend time on instagram, follow the plus-size models and bloggers, look at their pictures everyday, like, comment and interact with them. Slowly, you will realise that you start truly appreciating the beauty of curvier women.
Who to follow on Instagram ? Laura Lee, Denise Mercedes, Olivia Campbell, Tess Holliday etc...
4. Be fashionable, take care of yourself
Find your own style. Fashion is not all about the newest trends. It is about affirming a style that makes you look good and confident. So wear clothes that will focus on your best body parts. Experiment, try to play with layers, colors, accessories, read plus size fashion blogs, find tips, shop plus size brands... Oh and wear slimming underwear, it does boost the confidence a lot ! Wear make-up whether "au naturel" or full-on, learn new hairdos, do your nails, doll yourself up, smell amazing, you will feel more secure and beautiful.
5. Walk tall & proud !
If you are hunched over and looking down, you will look and feel insecure. So put on your favorite heels and walk proud and powerful. Your posture is your confidence. Hold your head high, throw your shoulders a bit back, like a dancer, you will feel amazing.
To be honest, I don't just walk proud, I try to walk sexy and a little flirty. Hey, men love curves, and there is nothing like a little flirt to boost your confidence ;)
6. Spend more time naked in front of the mirror.
Learn to love your body. Even better, learn to love your naked body. It takes time and you have to train your mind. Before you can love it, you have to really look at it. And trust me, the more you look at yourself naked, the more you will accept it as a normal and beautiful body. It helped me a lot in the past. Walking around naked more often in the house also did. Little by little, you will start to appreciate your image.
7. Think Health not weight loss
Stop thinking about losing weight. You already are beautiful the way you are. You only lack confidence, not beauty ! I love CeCe Olisa's motto, from the blog Plus-size Princess: "Don't wait on your weight". We can live amazing lives at any size.
But you can think Health, what can you do to be healthier ? Maybe choose healthier foods, and think about exercising, something fun, because being healthier is being more energetic, feeling happier and hence feeling more confident ! Exercising is key, for two main reasons; first it will make your body look firmer, we don't care about size but we do care about having a toned skin, and second, it will allow you to eat more of what you like ;)
I hope those few tips can help you.
So tell me what do you do to feel more confident ?