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I am bigger than his ex

November 24, 2015

I am bigger, less pretty, I have smaller boobs, or even not as smart. Whatever it is. I am sure quite a few of you had to deal with this at least once.

 

Now, I am lucky enough to be dating a man that is actually pretty much into curvy, chubby, fat (you name it) girls, so I do not have to worry about that anymore.

 

Exes.. We all have that (quite unhealthy & toxic) curiosity about our man's past. We go check on them on Fb, IG, look at their pics, check out their jobs, how many friends they have, whatever, and of course we compare ourselves physically to their exes.

Whether it’s an urge that sparks from a simple thought like: “Why does it seem like all of his other girlfriends had bigger breasts/were slimmer than me?” or “What did he see in her in the first place?” or “She’s really pretty, I wonder if they’re still friends?” or the standard curiosity, “I really want to know what this chick looks like.”

 

It comes from insecurity, and like any feelings and thoughts that come from insecurity, you should ignore it, not mention it, and fight it, until it leaves your mind.

 

The thing is, even when you are being grown up enough not to check on them, you will always stumble upon a remaining photo, or a facebook message or anything that will bring her right back to your face.

 

Well, girls, there is nothing beneficial in comparing yourself to previous partners of his. It can only make you feel more insecure, or hurt to a point where you'll need to start a fight with your man just to let all the negativity out of your heart. 

And listen to this carefully,  his ex can be a lot of things, but certainly not worthy of you fighting with your bf over her.

 

The only thing to gain from opening up the closed doors in your man’s former life is allowing in a slew of problems that were never there before.

 

My advice would be to be a grown-ass girl on this, and be blind and deaf to his past, never ask any questions, and block any kind of curiosity you have.

 

I had that tendency to play the love police when I was younger :) I just can't help checking everything and knowing everything about the guy I am with. You know, check his phone, messages and FB, open every folder in his computer etc.. Well, you will always find something that will hurt you, while most of times, it doesn't actually concern you or question the love your man has for you.

 

Let me tell you a story. I was dating that Scandinavian guy, and we were crazy about each other. As I usually did, I just needed to go through his things and look. One day, he left me in his room and I started looking through his things and stumbled upon photo negatives. Haha, I went as far as looking through them facing the light, and here it was, a picture of his cute skinny ex giving him head ! That one thing you don't want to see like ever lol. Ah! I felt crushed. And this is useless pain, as it was in the past, you know he had sex before, you know he got bjs before, and he did not even know you, he did not do anything wrong. TOXIC ! So that was a good lesson. I was 23 at the time, and I won't forget it.

 

So don't invade his privacy, don't check on him, learn to trust him and trust yourself.

 

 

Did you ever think that maybe you are what turns him on and his exes weren't ? Doesn't he get hard as wood when he looks at you ? Doesn't he look at you like he's about to eat you alive ?

 

Anyway, don't focus on this things. Life is hard enough as it is, you have enough battles in front of you to lead to become that person you want to be. Don't waste your time.

Of course his exes will have something that you don't have or will be better at some things than you. But focus on the fact that they're the past, that he chose you. Let go of the rest.

 

You already know you rank at the top.

 

I think that what matters the most is to actually chose a man that will make you feel safe about how attracted he is to you, about how he actually enjoys your body and how you sexually turn him on. If your partner gives you that, you won't ever have to ask yourself the question.

 

If he doesn't, if his words or absence of them make you feel unsecure, tell him, see if he fixes it, and if not, maybe it's time to reconsider the relationship itself.

 

Curvily yours,

 

Gipsy B.

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